If you’ve ever felt caught between two places, two identities, two versions of yourself—maybe you Filipino like Lotti Grae.
Maybe you know what it’s like to leave home before you’re ready. To feel like a stranger in the country you were born in, and just as much of a stranger in the place you now live. Maybe you know what it’s like to carry your parents’ sacrifices on your back, while trying to carve out a life that’s yours.
Maybe you’ve had to rewrite yourself to fit into a world that doesn’t always know what to do with people like us.
100 Ways to Filipino is about documenting all the ways we exist in between. And in my conversation with Lotti, I realized that her story isn’t just hers. It belongs to all of us who have ever felt split between two worlds, wondering where we truly belong.
Maybe you Filipino like Lotti by longing, reinventing, and fighting to take up space and make it your own.
You Filipino Like Lotti If You’ve Ever Had to Start Over
Lotti’s first big move wasn’t to America. When she was four years old, she moved to Bacolod. Her parents had already left for the U.S. to chase the dream as Overseas Foreign Workers (OFWs), leaving her and her brother behind with their grandmother, Mama Puds.
At 17, her turn finally came. She always knew that the day would come, but no one prepared her for how sudden the move would be.
Shortly after she graduated, Lotti received word that her father had received his blue passport and his petition to have his kids join him in the U.S. was granted. In one week, she and her brother were on a plane to the U.S.
There was no time for goodbyes. No time for preparation. Just a plane ticket and a new life that wasn’t hers to decide.
Everything familiar was gone. Like so many of us who have been suddenly pulled away from home, she had to learn how to carry home in her heart for her sake and her brother’s.
Maybe you Filipino like Lotti because you carry home in your heart so that you don’t lose yourself in the process of starting over.
You Filipino Like Lotti If You’ve Ever Tried to Fit into a Life That Wasn’t Yours
When Lotti arrived in the U.S., she did what many of us do. She assimilated.
She learned the language. She enrolled in a local community college in Chicago and went to nursing school so that she could have the American dream: a practical career and stability. .
Lotti passed her nursing exams at age 20. She got a job as an E.R. nurse.
But something didn’t fit. No matter how much she tried to make it work, music kept pulling her back.
So she Filipino-ed the way a lot of us do. She did both. Lotti worked her nursing job, but she found time to write songs. She got on the local club circuit and sang in local competitions. Her nursing job became the fuel that enabled her to make her music.
Maybe you Filipino like Lotti by doing what you need to do to create a stability while chasing what feels true for you.
You Filipino Like Lotti If You’ve Ever Had to Rename Yourself
Lotti was born Vealy, pronounced VAY-lee.
When she moved to the U.S., people struggled to pronounce her name. “Is it VEAL-ly?” Her name morphed into something unrecognizable.
Then, in 2022, during what she refers to as her second “breakup season,” she texted her friend, "I’m giving myself lots of grace." But autocorrect kept changing “lots of grace” to “Lotti Grae.”
Huh. Not bad.
So, she looked it up. Lotti comes from German and means “free, free man, free woman.”
A lot of folks are defined by their breakups. For Vealy, becoming Lotti wasn’t just a name change. By changing her name, she took ownership over who she was and who she wanted to be, reframing the second “breakup season” as a point in time that allowed her to step into herself on her own terms.
Maybe you Filipino like Lotti by snatching the opportunity to redefine and reinvent yourself because no one gets to own who you are and who you are becoming.
You Filipino Like Lotti If You’ve Ever Decided to Take Up Space
For a long time, Lotti did what many of us are taught to do. She made herself small.
She tried to fit herself into the roles that were expected of her. She tried not to ask for too much.
And then one day, she decided that she wanted to be seen and heard.
So she Filipino-ed by taking up space. We’ve never met in person, but I imagine her tiny stature is at odds with her voice which is equally bold and tender at the same time. She writes music that is unapologetically frank. It doesn’t apologize for existing. And I’m guessing that Lotti doesn’t either.
Maybe you Filipino like Lotti by refusing to disappear.
There Are a Hundred Ways to Filipino. This Is One of Them
Lotti’s way is through music. Through survival. Through the messy, beautiful, unfinished journey of figuring it all out.
She doesn’t have to prove her Filipinoness to anyone. She just is.
And if you’ve ever felt caught between two places, two identities, two versions of yourself, well maybe you Filipino like Lotti, too.
Listen to my interview with Lotti on Spotify, or on Substack.
Lotti’s first EP, Casualty, will be avaailable on March 21.
🎧 Listen to Lotti on Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube.
📲 Follow @lotti4evr on Instagram & TikTok
Because there is no single way to Filipino. But we’re all finding our own.
Lotti is a fan of our mango gummies. Try them today.